Guest post by an anonymous contributor
Too articulate for support. Named as a ‘Personality case’ by a Health Care Assistant. Although this led to a lot of distress and a complaint, I now know on reflection that this assistant is the most honest person I have come into contact with the mental health system. At least I know where she stood and how she would treat me.
Requesting to be reassessed, as have no connection with EUPD. However, no one wishes to listen. I’m silenced as no one hears. Then, the angrier I get about this, the more of a “personality case” I become. Silenced due to judgement and stigma.
8:30 pm: Left my home for a walk, I had tried everything to stop the suicidal thoughts, voices, and visual hallucinations.
10:00 pm: Rang Crisis Team in distress. Told to look at my coping mechanisms book. I was walking along a dual carriageway, but I was not asked where I was so I did not say. Silenced by choice?
11:00 pm: Rang crisis line. Was told to breathe; I feel unable to speak, now on a motorway junction.
12:00 pm: Rang Assist Line as needed someone human to listen to me, and just be with me so I could clear my head enough to work out what I really wanted… They heard the cars and asked where I was. I told him and he called the emergency services. I told them it was a waste of time and went to the bridge, which was the plan. Stood and cried. The police came. The crisis line tried to convince the police to take me home, offering no further support. Silenced by no one being prepared to care or listen.
Police detained me under section 136 of the Mental Health Act. I said it was a waste of time as I felt the mental health system did not care at all.
After 4 hours of broken sleep at ‘the Place of Safety’, I woke.
At the assessment, I was told:
- ‘We all have negative thoughts, people just do not talk about them’ (Literally being told to be silent)
- ‘Look at me, try to look out and not inwards because that’s just making it worse’ (I am using every bit of my energy to answer questions… let alone look at you. Is this my fault? Should I be silent?)
- I know I am seen as a personality case – ‘I know you have had many discussions about your diagnosis. Personally disorders, is such a horrible term as what it really means is that people experience trauma and then create unhelpful coping mechanisms’. (So I am the problem…).
I stop talking…
‘You have so many positive things in your life we are going to let you go home’, the mental health team concluded.
A waste of time. No one was listening. Silenced.